I’m Not Qualified!

Recently God gave me a beautiful opportunity to work for His Kingdom.  I was asked by a women’s ministry in a nearby town to be the guest speaker at a  weekend retreat in Lake Tahoe. I have written about my struggle to feel worthy when God gives me an opportunity, but I’m still here working on absorbing God’s grace.  I have to admit I feel so unqualified. I mean I’ve only been a Christian for a few years!

Will I disappoint them?  Do they think I’m more accomplished than I am? Why me?

When I first became a believer I was almost literally on fire!  God performed so many amazing wonders in my heart.  The transformation was remarkable!  He cleansed the old hurts and replaced them with His redeeming love.  Nothing in my life had changed, but I had changed.  I wanted to shout from the rooftops, and practically did!  I just knew that I would spend the rest of my life telling people about Him.  I felt that nothing was impossible in Christ, which is confirmed as a promise in the Bible.  I knew the changes inside me had very little to do with me and everything to do with Him.

Imagine my surprise when a few people told me that I should slow down and start learning more before bounding ahead.  I needed to mature a bit.  I was taken aback, but not defeated because I knew that God inside me wasn’t!  I knew that God had plans to use me. However, as time passed by, I did start to feel more more self conscience about my passion.  This was an easy burden for me to pick up since worrying about the opinions of others had always been an issue.  I began to downplay the things God was doing in my life. I worried that people might think…well I wasn’t sure what they would think but I worried about it.

God has been showing me lately that He doesn’t just want to use my hurts to reach others, but He wants to use my strengths. He knit each one of us together in our mother’s womb with a plan and a purpose.  He knew what He was doing; He was intentional.  It’s time to stop making it about me.  I’m not qualified, but He is!

Many people would say I’m still on fire.  But I pray that my life is SO filled with the Holy Spirit that people look at my life and say “Wow, that’s God!” That’s what Francis Chan says in his book “Forgotten God.”  I pray that people see Jesus through me, supernaturally, and know it has nothing to do with me. Amen!

“When they saw the courage of Peter and John and realized that they were unschooled, ordinary men, they were astonished and they took note that these men had been with Jesus.” Acts 4:13

Click here to catch the latest episode of my show Love, Hope and Faith.  My guest, Mondo Mariscal and I discuss spiritual gifts.  Plus Mondo performs some original music…so beautiful!

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Insane in the Membrane

It has been said the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.  

Sanity can be defined as wholeness of mind; making decisions based on the truth.

Based on those two definitions, I’d say that I have spent the majority of my life insane.

I wasn’t born insane (Psalm 139:13-18), but as I fumbled along in life, looking for my self-worth in others, I slowly lost my mind.

This may sound a little dramatic, but you get the point.

Other people’s opinions of me mattered…a lot.

Too much.

Of course I pretended to be self-confident and sure.

As long as I was making decisions others approved of, I was the picture of poise and strength.  As soon as I thought  someone didn’t like, or agree with my decisions, I would retreat into my private world of worry.

I once heard a great quote, but I’m not sure who said it,

“What other people think about you is none of your business.”

True.

However, time and time again, I would worry and obsess over what others might be thinking and then wonder why I was so miserable.  I would dissect conversations and scenarios in an attempt to figure it all out.

Of course, in my world they were never thinking anything good…

My emotions and feelings were skewed by the events of my childhood.  They had been locked up by strongholds (2 Corinthians 10:4) for years.  Trusting my emotions was like looking through a shattered windshield; everything was strangely distorted and broken.  I learned to rely on my knowledge of normal.  I used  other people’s windshield.

Please see the above first sentence.

If you have been following my blog at all, you know that I write a lot about who I used to be on my own, and who I am now in Christ.

I now have a new definition of sanity…

Sanity is living in total honesty with God and myself, walking in obedience of His ways and truth.

Now I am free from the chains of worry!  I am free from the opinions of others! I am free to be me, a child of God!

“It is dangerous to be concerned with what others think of you, but if you trust the LORD, you are safe.” Proverbs 29:25

Amen!

If you would like to hear more of my story, and the story of others who have been transformed by Christ, click here.  God has given me the blessed opportunity to host a Christian TV show!  I have called it Love, Hope and Faith.

I would love to hear your stories, too!  I’m always listening for God to show me the next story!

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